Time

     Time...We say we never have enough.  Time...It is what we want most, but what we use worst....

     Time has a wonderful way of showing us what is really important. And over the course of "time" (7 weeks and 5 days to be exact!), that is exactly what has been happening in our lives.

     Since Chris came home, he has made great strides in his recovery. As much as he wanted to jump right back into his life at school and on the basketball court, God had better plans. Between appointments, holidays and inclement weather days, he was forced to start slowly (which was much easier than me having to be the bad guy!). However, he is now back to work full-time and back on the court as well. Most importantly, he is feeling great...minimal headaches, his vision is constantly improving, and his energy level is back. His only complaint is that he is "wasting away" because he isn't allowed to lift any heavy weights yet. If you know my hubby, you know that weight lifting is nearly as important as eating to him. Additionally, you know that he lifts SO he can eat... in large quantities. :)

      Perhaps the most important thing that has happened through this process is a change to the way that our family views TIME.  I truly feel we all have a greater sense of what is truly important. I find myself sitting with Cenah and reading or doing puzzles, or turning the TV down or off to listen to someone talk to me rather than checking social media, putting that load of laundry away, or returning that email.  To be honest, no one will suffer if my clothes remain in the basket or there is dog hair on the floor. And if you stop at my house and are offended by things laying around, or a little dirt, then you probably aren't my friend anyway. If I died tomorrow, I would want my child's memory of me to be that "my mommy always tried to spend TIME with me", instead of "my mommy was too busy with laundry, checking Facebook, cleaning, blah blah blah". It is important to me that my family knows I am present...not just in body, but mentally and emotionally as well.

     Part of our new view of TIME, resulted in selling our half of our business. While we loved serving our community this way, we also realized that the hours Chris was putting in were not conducive to family life, or his health. We are already seeing the positive results of this decision. It is amazing what a difference stress reduction and sleep can make in a person's overall demeanor. It is refreshing to see my husband's new view of TIME as well. My heart fills with joy each time I see him wrestling on the floor with our daughter, hear him speaking words of encouragement to his sons', or sit with him as he talks about the people he is praying for due to special circumstances in their lives. These are things we have been missing, because we let our over-busy lives steal our sense of how precious TIME really is. We were using it all wrong, wishing for more, never having enough, burning the candle at both ends and watching it pass us by. In some ways, as painful and frightening as it was, Chris's health crisis was a blessing.

     At Christmas, I received a gift from our son Caleb and his fiancee, Mara  (okay, it was really weird typing that.  But, yes, we have a child getting married!!). It was a wall-hanging, and I cried when I opened it because of what it said. It was perfect for what we were going through at the time, and it hangs in my kitchen near my dining room table as a constant reminder.  It says, "Everything changed the day they figured out there was EXACTLY enough time for the important things in life".  
     
     Time is so precious. Once you have used it, you can never get it back, so use it wisely.  I challenge you to take a good look at how you are using your time.  The way we spend our time defines who we are. If there was a dictionary of people, would you be happy with your definition? If not, maybe it's TIME for you to evaluate and rediscover what is really important in your life.
   

   

The Only Way Past It Is Through It

     One of my all time favorite movies is the Wizard of Oz (yes, I know it's weird. lol). There is a scene in the movie where Dorothy, the Scarecrow and the Tin Man have to walk through the dark forest. There is absolutely no other way to the Emerald City. The only way past it is through it, and facing the fear is Dorothy's only chance of getting home.
     Life has been a little bit like that lately....especially the past few days. There has been a battle of the wills (for the record, I won. :), and some tough love, and it hasn't been pretty. It's interesting how the will to give up can be every bit as strong as the will to live, and how quickly one can forget all the wonderful things and people to live for.
     Part of our journey the past couple of days was to basically push Grot's brain to the limit to see if it could hold it's own. And it did...for awhile. As his brain fought to maintain a normal environment, he battled severe headache, light and noise sensitivity and nausea, and it grew worse throughout the day yesterday. This pain and discomfort left him feeling hopeless, and he just wanted relief. Additionally, there are other things going on in his body as an effect of the brain injury itself and all the medications he is on, and these things have only contributed to the feeling of just wanting to throw in the towel. Yesterday was pretty much his breaking point...so we had to lock horns. I am a "choose your battles" kind of person, but when I choose one, I intend to win. haha.  By the end of the evening, he had eaten a little bit, was feeling a little better, and his spirits were improved. But, as I said before, the brain held it's own for as long as it could. In the middle of the night, we had a small setback. The fluid began to build up in his brain again and he required a CT scan. The end result was that they could not continue to push him, so we have started over, which means at least another week in the neuro ICU before we try again.
     Believe it or not, he is in much better spirits today, in spite of this development. A large part of this is because the pressure is down in his noggin and he has less pain. He talks frequently of wanting to be out of here in time for the basketball game this weekend, but realistically we know it's not possible. While we are disappointed, we know that this is the journey God has put us on, and the only way past all of this is through it. There are simply no short cuts, and it is one day and one step at a time. So, we are locking arms, and traveling this yellow brick road, through the dark forest, despite the lions, tigers and bears (oh my!). We are hoping and praying that we can celebrate Christmas at home, but we also know that the holidays may be a little different this year and Christmas may have to come to us. We are asking you to continue to pray for Grot and for our family. Your prayers, cards, calls and messages are keeping our spirits alive and hope in our hearts!

Rub Some Dirt On It

     If you have ever been around my husband, you know that he is a pro at sarcastic humor and one liners. As we were raising our boys, whenever they would have a little mishap that resulted in a bruise or skinned knee, he would tell them "rub some dirt on it". When they were little, sometimes this would throw them into a tizzy, as they wanted something to fix the hurt....a bandaid, and ice pack, or just some good old-fashioned boo-boo kissing. As they got older and started playing sports, this saying became something of a joke in our home. When one of them would severely sprain an ankle, break a hip, or even tear their ACL, their dad could often be heard saying "rub some dirt on it". Don't think for one minute that just because Cenah is a girl that he has been different. In fact, he tells her the same thing, and being a girl and having girl emotions, this is often not the most effective way of communicating with her, as you can imagine. So, we have kind of tweaked it a little and we say to "rub some glitter on it". It seems to help a little. lol. Now some may think that telling your kid to "rub some dirt on it" is a bit callous or hard-hearted, especially when they are really injured.  But, if you truly  know my husband, than you know that he has a deep emotion and affection for his family, so it was never meant in that regard. Instead, what he was trying to teach them was how to use a little bit of humor to take their mind off an uncomfortable event or situation and learn how to control their emotions. My children seem to understand this concept, because as I sat and read Cenah's "secret" diary entry written on Saturday... in the invisible ink you can only see under a certain light (I'm not making this up!), it said "On Friday, my daddy's brain started bleeding and he has a bad headache.  But when I see him I will tell him to rub some dirt on it!"
     So, what is the point of you knowing this? Well, it goes along with my update. The past couple days have been rough. The type of brain hemorrhage that Chris suffered causes horrific headaches that can be somewhat decreased in severity but not totally relieved by pain meds. They have him on large doses of oral and intravenous pain medications and he is still miserable. He was not out of bed for two days as he declined walking or sitting in the chair when the therapists came. He wants to lay in bed with the room dark with as much quiet as possible. And this is normal for what is going on in his head. He wants a quick fix...anything to take away the severe pain and he gets frustrated being told this is "normal", because nothing feels normal about it to him.
     Today, they told me that I was going to have to start giving him a little tough love. That  he needed to be pushed a little. I have been a nurse for 23 years and I have no problem doing this to my patients....but your husband is a different story! It is hard when he is so miserable, I can't fix it, and I know that pushing him will potentially make the pain worse. But today, I put on a brave face and told him to RUB SOME DIRT ON IT! He has been up, walked to the bathroom, brushed his own teeth, walked in the hallway and sat up in the chair twice. And, while I know he doesn't feel good, I also know that this is the quickest way to get him back to normal, back home with us, and back to doing what he loves.

     Please keep praying for his recovery. I know there are many of you who would like to come visit, but please be patient. While his body looks normal and strong,  and he is stable and improving, his brain still needs a lot of quiet and rest in order for him to keep moving forward.  His team of physicians is still asking that we limit visitors to immediate family only. We truly cannot thank everyone enough for all the love you are showing our family and for all the thoughts and prayers that continually keep us #grotstrong.
   

Little Strokes...

     Have you ever heard that saying? "Little strokes fell great oaks". It means even the littlest things can make an enormous impact. And that pretty much sums up what I'm feeling right now. There are several ways in which this saying pertains to my life right now, and if you know my husband and our current situation, you will understand. But the thing that I really want to speak to is the "small strokes" that we are receiving on a daily basis. The small strokes that are slowly chipping away at the Great Oak of fear, anxiety, and worry that goes along with a life threatening event...the kind that displaces your sense of normalcy and security.
    Today, my oldest son Caleb came to visit his dad, and with him he brought a large envelope. This envelope contained cards and letters from friends and neighbors back home full of prayers and well wishes. But what it also contained was a multitude of gifts...gas cards, food cards, and visa/mastercard gift cards. I was so overwhelmed by the generosity of my community, and the love they have shown my family, that I sat and cried wondering how I could possibly thank everyone for touching our hearts and lives like this. Perhaps you spent five minutes running to the store and purchasing that card, happy to be able to help. But what you did was so much bigger than that. Those gas cards ensure that my children can get back and forth to visit their dad without spending the cash they need for  college. The food cards ensure that while mom isn't home cooking, my children will  have a meal. And those things are priceless to me. While I am here caring for my husband, it helps to know you all are pitching in to care for my family. They say it takes a village, and I can honestly say that my village is the best.
     For those of you who have been asking for an update...my Great Oak is alert and stable and we are taking one day at a time. The brain is a mysterious organ and according to the doctors, he will have ups and downs, and it's all part of the process. He is still undergoing some tests so they can attempt to determine the underlying cause of all this (yes, stress contributed, and so did all those bologna sandwiches, beers and Crown & 7's! lol). However, some of the things that have happened just don't make sense and they are trying to solve the mystery. It truly is a waiting game. As of today, it looks like we will be in the ICU for about 6 more days before being transferred to another unit...but this could change tomorrow. The only thing we know for sure is that the brain is temperamental and does it's own thing in it's own time. An injury like this is 6-12 months of recovery to feel about 90% normal. So, patience is key (and if you know Grot, this is not a virtue he was blessed with. lol). As for me, this is a burden I will gladly bear, as I am just happy to have him. I am counting my blessings that he is alive, that he can talk and smile at me and that he has minimal deficits. What is 6-12 months in the scheme of things?  And besides- God is bigger than numbers, dates, strokes and brain bleeds, so I am believing in complete and total recovery exceeding all expectations!
     Thank you again for everything, from the bottom of our hearts. We are so grateful and humbled by all you are doing. Please keep the prayers coming!